still no sign of Santa

From the view in the jacuzzi tonight, you can see damn near every star known to man. Except Robert Downey, Jr. But really, I mean all of them. I never realized how big Orion the Hunter's dick is, but it's right there, hanging right down below his belt, twinkling and straight as the north pole.
Cosmic viagra.

Speaking of intergalactic hardons, if you ever feel like overdosing on shitty coffee and salt peter, check out an AA meeting on Christmas Eve. It's like a damn wake for your inner child that while stringing Christmas lights on the mailbox out by street was accidently run over by a drunk-driven semi with a big ass holiday wreath on the front grill. East bound & down, loaded up & mother truckin'.
Red & green roadkill cookies.
Everyone brought a covered dish to 12step tonight. And by covered dish, I don't mean a chick with a hat on.
Badda freaking bing. "Did you write that one?" No seriously, it's like joining some secret club of rehabilitated sociopaths to go on a maniacal shooting spree with double-barrel nerf guns, and then turning one on yourself. And if you are a newcomer, you might want to consider wrapping your whole body in the Sunday comics using a whole role of tape, and laying down under the wobbly fake Christmas tree in the back of the room, cleverly disguised as a crappy present with no nametag, or matching bow or ribbon.
Otherwise, the sobriety mafia will be on you like a pride of lions on a sick antelope. But I digress.


You should see how the wild whitetail deer come up to the swimming pool here to drink at night. I wish I was a bow hunter sometimes.
But I am glad I am not. I can just see some drunk hillbilly bastard pulling out his 12guage for not one trophy buck, but 8 of them at once, frantically trying to reload before Santa can skedaddle off the roof of said redneck's doublewide.
So don't be alarmed when on the roof hoof's patter, as you open the sash to see what's the matter.
Deer season IS officially open!

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a bud light.
Happy Hanukkah! (drink gin&tonica, smoke marijuanica, snort whatever else rhymes with that shit)

n'm'out