Where there's a will, there's a way.

Shit.

I'm a casket base today.
I knew something had to be wrong when after reading till about 1 am this morning, I popped up out of bed at 5 minutes before 7, made my bed, and was showered & dressed and ready for breakfast by 7:30.
Then one of the R.A.s, Steve, didn't meet me for meditation. Everyone was somber & quiet.
At first I thought it was the dreary misty fog that had settled into the gulches overnight, leaving a layer of dew on everything, even the underside of the seat cushions in the smokers' gazebo.
But, when my "Boss Lady" arrived at 8, jabbing me with kid gloves about how our morning schedule was going to be interrupted & just bear with them...I began to get a sinking feeling.

Apparently, during only my 3rd full night's rest, there was an episode right outside my door last night, that I heard not 1 peep of...I mean, I'm never one to be clueless, but I'm in the dark.
In more ways than one.
And then there were two, has now been whittled down to one. It's just me now. My only cohort lost it during the night. I won't go any further into it than that.
But he discharged, and drove off into the thick air. I rarely connect with anyone in only a week, and this is why. Cause I have to disconnect before I am ready.
And goddammit I'm sad, and pissed, and worried for the dude.
And now I worry about myself. Again.

So, there goes our trip to Marble Falls to play basketball tomorrow.
There goes a whole lot that I don't even understand yet.

But it feels like, well, it just feels like darkness, and pain, and relapse.
so what's new.
n'm'out