SoulScrubber 3000

You have just entered the SoulScrubber 3000.

Please place all personal possessions, including your CrackBerry, in the incinerator before you.

Place brain on the conveyor belt to your right.

Place core belief system on the conveyor belt to your left.

Slowly slide wrists in to the cuffs that will drop from above shortly, and slip feet into stirrups.

No need to panic, you should feel a euphoric sensation any moment, as the truth serum will deliver you into a semi-conscious state. Failure to comply will result in immediate extermination. Believe that, we implore you.

Your condition will be monitored closely, as homeostasis is reconditioned for optimum performance. Do not resist entry into the approaching brightly lit doorway...it is not a death state.

Assimilation will begin now.

Thank you for selecting the SoulScrubber 3000, a product of WalMart Corp., where you can always "KEEP IT REAL! Haaaaa-ha ha-ha-haaaaaaaaaa. Heee hee hee..."