Big Sur to St. Pete, Coast to Coast Soulkist

Nothing, no thing...can erase the doubt, remorse & regret...
the unbearable suckness of being, without you.
At times it is overwhelming, and always too familiar.
I can pretend I'm feeling human again,
and stow it away for moments strung together here & there,
but shadows keep tapping me on the shoulder
and begging me for change that comes from within.
Loss is the overriding theme of every day,
with a vicious undertow that has taken the best of me under.
Daily filling a bottomless well of self-loathing
and frustration with emptiness and dried up tears.
Despair rules the night. Run just to be running.
Fearful am I our lives will forever follow separate paths,
and that I will always look back over my tracks
to the time when we walked in the same line,
today deeply longing for then and settling for now,
remnants of what could have been.
What is happening here...what am I doing...
what have I become...what am I turning into?
I do what I do, I use what I use. I give all I can give.
It's getting harder to feel and easier to see.
Where do I go from here? Acceptance? Apathy.
Feel the sensation of climbing a mountain backwards,
seeing how quick it would be to run and tumble
downhill all the while, not knowing how much farther, higher
or wider left to climb, only to plunge down the other side.
For what is really the top? It's all downhill from there,
and you can't stay up there alone.
It's neither the journey nor the arrival,
but what you leave behind that demands attention.
How else can you base an opinion on the now?
Have I seen the last soul-kissed smile from thee?
The kind that shines from within you,
and smashes the darkness within me...
did I not realize when the last one passed through my eyes?
These desperate hands that once felt your golden touch
are now grasping at thin air
and clawing through dry sandy soil,
even clutching muddy rocky shifting river bottom
to just hang on to anything that resembles life...
the life I once loved with you.
As I lay on the canyon floor of my heart of stone,
looking up I can still catch a glimpse of you waving goodbye.
When a soul loses its mate, it is lost forever.
The soul that Is.

Hendrix reprise...

Down the street you can hear her scream
"You're a disgrace!"
As she slams the door in his drunken face
And now he stands outside
And all the neighbors start to gossip and drool
He cries "Oh girl, you must be mad
What happened to the sweet love you and me had?"
Against the door he leans and starts a scene
And his tears fall and burn the garden green.

And so castles made of sand,
Fall in the sea eventually.